Many women are all too familiar with the nagging guilt that comes with prioritizing your own needs. Between the demands of your career, relationships, and especially if you have experienced past trauma, putting yourself first can feel selfish or wrong—even when it’s necessary for your well-being.
But here’s the truth: You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Prioritizing your needs isn’t selfish—it’s essential for your emotional and mental health. Let’s explore how you can shift your mindset and let go of the guilt that arises when you choose yourself.
Self-Care isn’t Selfish
Many women are conditioned to believe that taking care of themselves is selfish. This belief may be even stronger for those who’ve experienced trauma, as the desire to please others or avoid conflict often takes precedence. But it’s important to challenge this internal narrative.
Remind yourself: Taking care of my needs allows me to be my best self in every aspect of life. By prioritizing your emotional health, you’re setting yourself up to show up more fully in your work, relationships, and personal life. It’s not selfish; it’s responsible.
Ask yourself:
Would I tell a friend she’s selfish for setting boundaries or taking a break?
Why should I treat myself any differently?
Recognize the Impact of Past Trauma on Guilt
For someone who has experienced past trauma, such as childhood abuse or neglect, it often leaves you with the deep-rooted belief that other people’s needs should come first. Whether it’s from early life experiences or difficult relationships, you may feel responsible for keeping the peace and avoiding conflict. These habits can make guilt feel almost automatic when you prioritize your own needs.
Take time to reflect on how your trauma may be influencing your guilt. Recognizing this connection can help you break the cycle and start making decisions that are healthier for YOU. Your needs are just as important as anyone else’s.
Set Small, Guilt-Free Boundaries
If you struggle with guilt when putting your needs first, start small. Setting boundaries doesn’t have to mean saying no to everything or withdrawing completely from others. Instead, practice saying no to little things that don’t serve you or taking short breaks during your workday.
For example:
Decline an unnecessary meeting that doesn’t require your input.
Say no to an event that drains your energy instead of fueling you.
Set a daily break for yourself, even if it’s only 10 minutes.
With each small step, you’ll start building confidence in putting yourself first. Over time, you’ll realize that the world doesn’t fall apart when you choose your own well-being, and the guilt will lessen.
Shift Your Mindset from “Either/Or” to “Both/And”
Guilt often stems from the belief that it’s an either/or situation—you either put others first, or you put yourself first. But life isn’t so black and white. It’s possible to prioritize your needs while still being there for others.
Shift your mindset to “both/and” thinking:
I can do BOTH: take care of my own needs AND support those I care about.
I can do BOTH: excel in my career AND prioritize my mental health.
Embrace the idea that your well-being enhances your ability to contribute to others instead of detracting from it. When you feel rested, empowered, and emotionally balanced, you’re better equipped to show up for the people and tasks that matter to you.
Reframe Self-Care as Self-Respect
Instead of seeing self-care as indulgent or unnecessary, think of it as an act of self-respect. By respecting your own needs, you’re acknowledging your worth and setting a healthy example for others. Remember, taking care of yourself is not a luxury—it’s a necessity.
When guilt creeps in, remind yourself:
I deserve to prioritize my health, happiness, and peace.
Respecting my needs allows me to be a stronger, more grounded version of myself.
Affirm Your Right to Take Up Space
Finally, it’s crucial to remind yourself that you have the right to take up space and have your needs met. Whether it’s speaking up in a meeting, asking for help, or taking a much-needed break, you are allowed to prioritize yourself.
Try this affirmation:
I am worthy of putting myself first, and I do not need to feel guilty for taking care of my needs.
Affirming this to yourself regularly can help combat the guilt and internalize the belief that you are deserving of self-care.
Letting go of guilt for prioritizing your own needs is a process, especially for those who have experienced past trauma . But with practice, you can shift your mindset and recognize that taking care of yourself is not only necessary but beneficial for everyone around you. By embracing your own needs without guilt, you’ll find greater balance and emotional resilience in all aspects of your life.
You are worth it.